Ready your army of the world's smallest violins, because this is gonna be a doozy!
Hey Guys guess what?! It's late and I'm tired and angry. Why? Because I make pieces of crap like this! I'm pretty darn selfish, so you know what? I'm gonna tell SVA to suck it and puke me back into the real world where I can actually take the time to paint, print, make pictures that actually matter and get a real education! It's Almost too scandelous to even fathom! Two and a half months and counting folks and I'm OUTA HEYA!
Ok, I have to grow up and realize a few things. The first being that I am not technically sufficient enough to fully realize what I'm trying to do in my art. I am a baby. The Second is that if I don't actually spend the time practicing and opening myself to new things I will never become a great artist, or even a good one.
Sitting this morning in the aftermath of what could only be called a panic attack, it has become clear that my anger is normally directly linked to my frustration. My brain shuts off and I work myself into such a state that the entire world seems to bend in, suck my breath away and make progress impossible. Recently I read the horoscope section of the Village Voice and it said that it is a good time to face ones bad habits and self inflicted "learning disabilities" and conquer them. So that is exactly what I am Going to do!
Also I would like to apologize to SVA, which is a legitimate art school that I owe a lot to. Especially the teachers who have done nothing but help and guide me. But at some point one has to learn to guide oneself and stop relying on an institutionalized schooling to give a sense of worth and accomplishment. I AM NOT SAYING EDUCATION IS NOT IMPORTANT!! It's just that you have to find a place that nurtures all aspects of a student and leaves enough open for personal aspiration and exploration. So wish me luck :)
By the way, here is the piece based off a short story about a woman who was eating too much and a man who was eating too little because they were so sexually frustrated lol. I actually liked parts of it this morning when I woke up, but just as I found it unclear so did my classmates (He's supposed to be wrapping around her), so expect at least some sort of redo, because I loved the underdrawing and really want to save it!
Looking on the bright side: the colors were strong enough in real life without the help of the computer and I got complimented on the improvement of my composition :D
Who would have thought that a day of surprise slushy snow in the city could lead to such a wonderful day! It was so cozy in the print studio and the bustling environment just made me wanna lift heavy objects and beat on my chest like King Kong. Was my first day aqua-tinting (adding tone) to my printing plates and felt like a boss when it was all done. While walking home in the dark, looking up at all the fuzzy lights and buildings shooting up *sigh* I don't know guys its corny but there was a little magic.
So to commemorate this happiness I've decided to compile a list of other things that have recently been making me giddy and feel absolutely full inside (haha thats what she said!) via the wonders of Youtube! :
Blade Runner
So, Finally I've seen this in it's totality and have fallen head over heels in love. Theres just so much going on in this film, the craftmanship, the concepts, just how the character's seem to burn their way into your head. I wanna imprint all the beautiful images into my skin and brain forever. Plus, am totally loving Deckard and Rachel (who have a far more healthy relationship in the film, than in the original book Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep) Plus, dang, I can't get over how perfect it was to make this film in the eigties. Its like the whole fashion and mentality of the era was able to be used to add this irridescent grime to everything that would have been polished away if it had waited to be made in the present day of political correctness and computer graphics. Plus, SHOULDERPADS HEYO!
Lady Gaga
Alright, lets just get this out in the open, I LOVE LADY GAGA. It started with some mild brainwashing on behalf of my surrogate roommate and just took off from there. Am not sure what it is since I really don't usually buy into media hype idolization of celebrities but theres just something that really hooked me. haha Don't know how to explain it but absolutely love all her electro beats, Cher inspired, Discotheque street pounding sensibilites. Plus, alright theres just this dual nature to her songs that kills me. Like yeah, they're simple and are basically just over used hooks, but within that refined bubblegum is something with a bit more depth than expected. While listening I somehow feel like she's telling a story about someone whose immersed in this really vapid world of decadence but is kind of trying to squelch the personal realizations of their growing weakness by diappearing into the hip dancing masses that will only ever see their strong sparkly Warrior of the night facade.
And plus, like she's totally flung this door of insecurity wide open for me. Whenever I listen to her stuff all i wanna do is dance, be beautiful, be strong and fight crime in a Metropolis inspired golden spandex body suit. Yup, Kudos Lady Gaga, you be dope.
Which leads me to the next topic!
Makeup
Suddenly, being inspired by pop stars, science fiction divas and the growing world of internet make up gurus I to have fallen victim to the world of cosmetics. I can't really place exactly when this obsession started, really only in the last week but it CONSUMES ME! I love packaging, I love colors, brushes, sparkles OOOHH HOW I WANT TO ROLL MYSELF IN A VAT OF GLITTER! Again, for most of my life I've always felt like a total boy-child when it comes to putting makeup on, but theres just something really light and fun about taking the time to put yourself together in the morning and knowing that you have Ralph Lauren makeup bag full of magic to do it. Realize that this could be financially devastating so have been taking it slow and trying to learn more than buy, but OOOooohhh everythings so pretty. Its like being a kid in a candy shop. Would have never thought in a million years that I'd be actually calling numerous MAC cosmetic locations to track down a limited edition lipstick. Am slightly ashamed but frankly have been taking myself waayyy too seriously lately so I just wanna be a 13 year old girl for a little while ok :)
Fritz Lang
In my German Expressionism class we watched a film on the Director Fritz Lang who made the famous films Metropolis and M. He was Such a brilliant and crazy man. Like in the documentary they had clips of Metropolis and I was literally sniffling into my sleeve because it was somehow so gut wrenching watching this female android slowly walk out. Its so simple, but the black and white, swelling music and just how alien the android woman was just overwhelmed me emotionally. So basically I'm just glad that this eye-patched fellow existed, because A) He totally reastablished the power of art in my eyes and B) makes me brim with pride that Germany played such an important role in cinematic and art history.
Arthur Rackham
Arthur Rackham was the second artist to make me wanna sob with happiness. My Printing teacher brought in these limited edition books with Arthur Rackham's illustrations and they were so elegant and scary. Again saw what art could do, how color and design and the realization of characters could enrich the human experience and wind together with other creative endeovers to allow people to transcende where they are, or to just have their imaginations kickstarted, Baaaaahhh so good!!
Sleeping
Last but not least, the last key to happiness seems to be sleeping. Being able to wake up in a puffy mound of blankets and pillows and cozily stretch till wide awake is absolute bliss. BLISS I SAY!
Am enrolled in an etching and monoprint class and am REALLY enjoying it. Just love having the time to just learn a technique and make beautiful pictures, oh if only all of life were like etching class.
So these are my monsters... from a different planet who are hunting the reptilian natives. On this planet only those outfitted with the biological structures to survive and fight are able to roam freely, while the humanoid minority is only able to sneak about. Since it is so dangerous any variable that could give them away in the desolate environment is eliminated. This leads to the children of the tribe having their mouths sewn shut at birth to prevent crying. When finally they gain control of their emotions in adulthood, the fibers are cut and they are then able to speak again. But really nobody does because they've become so attuned to each other's body language (which consists of measuring pupil dilation and chin swaying) that speaking is really only used in formal gatherings and war. They also enjoy laying in the sun.
It makes me nervous when I show things sometimes because then if asked I have to relay the backstory about my pictures, which when spoken just sound loony something fierce. Anyway, meh, was kinda proud of my beasts before, but then after was all shamed and disheartened and frustrated. Thats just my constant state right now with school and art and life in general. However look at my superb cropping!
Honestly all i wanna do is draw some pervy comics, paint some otherworldy portraits, eat Indian food and have a lot of sex BUTGUESSWHATDON'TGETTODOANYOFITSOTHANKS.
WHAAAAAAaaaa FEEELLL SOOORRY FOORR MEEE AND MY UNPROFESSIONALISM THAT MATCHES THAT OF A PUBESCENT YOUTH FRESHLY DISCOVERING LIVEJOURNAL >.<
Happy Early Valentines day (incase I forget). A lot of this mix is pretty chill but I stuck in a few to get your hips a wigglin. Special Thanks again to Mandy for her romantically inclined mixes and the ever growing world of Science fiction soundtrack, Enjoy :)
A Valentine for Count Orlok
++Track list++
(1) This Trumpet in My Head- Lykke Li
(2) One More Kiss Dear- Don Percival
(3) Smells Like Teen Spirit Cover- Patti Smith
(4) Satellite Heart- Anya Marina
(5) Skinny Love- Bon Iver
(6) Mario Kart Love Song- Sam Hart
(7) Anthem for a Seventeen year-0ld girl- Broken Social Scene
(8) Cosmic Love- Florence and the Machines
(9) Sugar- April March
(10) Love Lockdown (Flying Lotus Remix)- Kanye West
Yaaaaayy, haha, here's Marie Antoinette in a confusing composition devoid of proper contrast or watercolor technique OR ANATOMY!
Man, Does anyone else ever just get really frusterated at their current predicament. I feel really wierd right now, maybe because illustration as a focal point of my art just seems to fit a little less every day. Or maybe its just because I've been listening to conceptual artists too much. Either way, my disinterest in my assignments, school and traditional art school education in general has left everything a little rickity, so i've been analyzing what being successful in art means to me, and how I can fit that into the real world and somehow survive financially all at the same time!
But yes, realize that these little introspectual rantings are really not that fun to read, so I'll try uploading little interesting tidbits that are seperate from my art, because I have so much more that i want to share with you guys! SO MANY BEAUTIFUL MONSTERS AND TOYS AND MUSIC AND LOVE and hate lol.
